BUILDING NEW HOLIDAY TRADITIONS
 Frequently
Asked Question: How can my soon-to-be ex and I decide who's going to get the kids for the holidays?
First and foremost, the new model Family Courts will require both parents to
focus your attention on the best interests of the children. Fighting over who
"wins" leaves no victors, only victims.
The courts are inclined to do everything possible to ensure the children have
as much time as possible with both parents.
The most common solution to the holiday dilemma is to alternate holidays
spent with the children. If Mom has the kids for Christmas Eve in even-numbered
years, then Dad has them for Christmas morning. In odd-numbered years, the
routine switches. If Dad is with the children on Memorial Day, they are with Mom
on Labor Day, and so forth. Though this sounds equitable, it is not very
creative.
A new concept gaining acceptance across the country is for parents to share
the holidays. This assumes several factors are true, including (a) that the
parents are able to communicate and cooperate and (b) that both parents live in
the same metropolitan area.
How families have historically handled holidays often influences the Court.
If Dad's family traditionally eats Thanksgiving dinner early in the afternoon
and Mom's family dines in the evening, then the solution is simple. The kids are
with Dad until mid-afternoon when Mom picks them up or Dad delivers them and
they spend the rest of the day with Mom and her family.
The Christmas holiday can also be successfully divided. Since Christmas
usually falls in the middle of Winter Break, the children can be with one parent
from the beginning of Break until very late on Christmas Eve. They then go to
the other parent's home to spend the night so they can wake up there on
Christmas morning and spend the rest of the Break with that parent.
The same pattern of sharing time can be applied to the observance of Jewish
or other religious holidays. If one parent has the children for Erev Rosh
Hashanah, then the other parent has them for Rosh Hashanah day. Chanukah is
another long holiday which can be divided in the same manner as Christmas.
Creative lawyers are now suggesting their clients establish new traditions
with their children. If Mom has the kids for Thanksgiving, Dad might start a
custom of taking them shopping in Cincinnati, to the zoo or on a trip on the day
after Thanksgiving.
Creating new family traditions is possible and the parents' alternatives can
be just as attractive as the traditional holiday.
The advantages of sharing holidays are significant. The children learn that,
even though Mom and Dad aren't together anymore, there can still be a spirit of
cooperation and compromise. The children are allowed to develop their own
special memories of spending holiday time with their parents, grandparents,
aunts, uncles, cousins and friends without the feeling that they have totally
"abandoned" one parent.
Regardless, children should never be put in the middle and forced to choose
one parent over the other.
Finally, I suggest you visit the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers
website at
www.aaml.org for creative information about children and divorce.
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