WHAT IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?
The National Domestic Violence Hotline (www.ndvh.org)
defines domestic violence as "a pattern of behavior in any relationship
that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate
partner."
According to the Kentucky Domestic Violence Association (www.kdva.org),
domestic violence is "a pattern of coercive behaviors that one person exercises
over another."
Regardless of the
definition, if you are in an abusive relationship or situation, you must
seek out the resources you need to protect yourself and your children
from abuse.
You may be in an
emotionally abusive relationship if your partner:
-
Calls you names, insults
you or continually criticizes you.
-
Does not trust you and
acts jealous or possessive.
-
Tries to isolate you
from family or friends.
-
Monitors where you go,
who you call and who you spend time with.
-
Does not want you to
work.
-
Controls finances or
refuses to share money.
-
Punishes you by
withholding affection.
-
Expects you to ask
permission.
-
Threatens to hurt you,
the children, your family or your pets.
-
Humiliates you in any
way.
You may be in a physically
abusive relationship if your partner has ever:
-
Damaged property when
angry (thrown objects, punched walls, kicked doors, etc.).
-
Pushed, slapped, bitten,
kicked or choked you.
-
Abandoned you in a
dangerous or unfamiliar place.
-
Scared you by driving
recklessly.
-
Used a weapon to
threaten or hurt you.
-
Forced you to leave your
home.
-
Trapped you in your home
or kept you from leaving.
-
Prevented you from
calling police or seeking medical attention.
-
Hurt your children.
-
Used physical force in
sexual situations.
You may be in a sexually
abusive relationship if your partner:
-
Views women as objects
and believes in rigid gender roles.
-
Accuses you of cheating
or is often jealous of your outside relationships.
-
Wants you to dress in a
sexual way.
-
Insults you in sexual
ways or calls you sexual names.
-
Has ever forced or
manipulated you into to having sex or performing sexual acts.
-
Held you down during
sex.
-
Demanded sex when you
were sick, tired or after beating you.
-
Hurt you with weapons or
objects during sex.
-
Involved other people in
sexual activities with you.
-
Ignored your feelings
regarding sex.
If you answered 'yes' to these questions you may be in an
abusive relationship; please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline
at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) or your local domestic
violence center to talk with someone about it.
The American Bar Association's Commission on Domestic Violence reports that
domestic violence is the use of:
by a spouse, intimate partner or date. Domestic abuse can also include
psychological intimidation.
CDC Behavioral Risk Factor
Surveillance System Survey 2005
-
1 IN 4 WOMEN, 1 IN 9 MEN
IN UNITED STATES ARE VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AT SOME POINT IN
THEIR LIVES
-
In households with
incomes under $15,000 per year, 35.5% of women and 20.7% of men
suffered violence from an intimate partner.
-
43% of women and 26% of
men in multiracial non-Hispanic households suffered partner
violence.
-
39% of women and 18.6%
of men in American Indian/Alaska Native households suffered partner
violence.
-
26.8% of women and 15.5%
of men in white non-Hispanic households suffered partner violence.
-
29.2% of women and 23.3%
of men in black non-Hispanic households suffered partner violence.
-
20.5% of women and 15.5%
of men in Hispanic households suffered partner violence.
The following information is adapted from a report by the
ABA Commission
on Domestic Violence and other sources.
Batterers use domination, intimidation, terrorizing, rule-making,
stalking, harassing and injurious behavior to control and manipulate the
actions of their partners and sometimes their children.
Physical violence includes putting your hands on a
person against his/her will. It also includes shoving, pushing, grabbing,
pulling or forcing someone to stay somewhere. Regardless of the relationship
between two people, using physical violence or force against someone is a
crime.
Emotional abuse - where one partner continuously
degrades or belittles the other or accuses the other of being stupid,
unattractive, a bad parent, unfaithful or any other similar fault - can
indicate domestic violence or the potential for domestic violence.
Domestic violence impacts children as well - even if
they are never physically injured by it. Children who witness domestic
violence often suffer from behavioral and cognitive problems. Boys,
especially, are more likely to be aggressive and engage in criminal behavior
if they grow up in homes where domestic violence exists.
Even after divorce, batterers often use issues arising in custody and
visitation cases to try to re-establish control over their victims. For example,
a batterer may fail to show up on time for scheduled visitation, intending to
harass the victim or to create a reason for further contact.
Because you may always be connected to your abuser through your children, you
must learn now how to protect them and yourself from the clutches of the person
from whom you sought to escape by getting a divorce. Your abuser will always be
your child's father or mother, but you can take steps to shield them from danger
and to protect yourself as well.
|
